I often wonder if the way that I physically view myself is the way that others view me. When I look at myself in the mirror, I try to avoid looking at myself because I am sick of always going through the list of things that I would like to alter on myself. I’m constantly comparing myself to others, and I am always wondering what I must have done in a previous life to look the way that I look.
My husband always tells me that I am beautiful, but let’s be honest, you’re not going to believe anyone who tells you something that you don’t believe. There is always a part of me that thinks that he feels obligated to tell me things like that because he is my husband, but usually I just respond with a casual thank you and call it a day. I know that Stephen probably really thinks that I am beautiful and it is my own issue, so I try not to allow my insecurities to get in the way of our relationship. I am extremely fortunate because I married someone who is very pleasing to the eye, so I always feel guilty that Stephen had to settle for a creature like me.
The list of the things I would want to change about me is long.
- I wish I wasn’t as pale as I am.
- I wish I was taller.
- I wish my hands weren’t ugly.
- I wish I had pretty nails.
- I wish my hair wasn’t so frizzy.
- I wish I had better control of my weight.
- I wish my feet were cuter.
- I wish I didn’t have a gap in my front teeth.
- I wish that my hair was lighter.
- In fact, I wish I had less hair.
- I wish my boobs were perkier.
- I wish I had those really cute back dimples.
- I wish that my lips were fuller.
There are several things that I wish I could change about myself, but alas, I am pretty much stuck with this body. I guess I should say that I highly doubt that I, Brookana Tempera, is the ugliest creature to have ever existed in the entirety of the universe, but I definitely am not what society says is beautiful. So is it societies fault that I feel this way about myself? Is it societies fault that I have a habit of comparing how I look to others? Is it societies fault that I can’t bear to look at myself sometimes? Maybe. I grew up around people who have always cared about what they looked like, and I think being around that made me conscious of my physical appearance. But even though I grew up in an environment where how someone visually looks was a significant factor, I still think that I would have had self-esteem issues. Unfortunately, I am pretty much convinced that mostly everyone has a list of things that they would like to change about themselves, and that is pretty sad.
At the end of the day, I remain grateful that I love who I am as a person. I once had a family friend refer to their body as a shell for their soul, and that still resonates with me to this very day. I truly feel like my soul, the energy that is me, does not have a correlation to my body. My body is the armor for my soul, it is the physical matter that allows me to walk alongside others on this planet, but it is not who I am.
I have another list that I think about whenever I start feeling self-conscious about how I look.
- I am kind
- I am loving
- I am selfless
- I am funny
- I am intelligent
- I am analytical
- I am organzied
- I am determined
- I am quick thinking
- I am sympathetic
- I am someone who fights for what they want
- I am fun
- I am adventurous
There is more to me than just my body. I am a good person with good intentions, and it is such a shame that I allow myself to get upset about what I see in a mirror. I wish that there was a way that the way we look wasn’t even a factor in how we view ourselves, because for the most part, we all have positive attributes that we often forget about. Think about who you are, not what you look like, but who you truly are, and write it down. That way, when you are feeling down because of what you look like, you can be reminded of what actually matters.
Keep in mind that they way that we view ourselves probably isn’t how the rest of the world views us. We have a tendency as human beings to exaggerate things, and I would like to think that we exaggerate our insecurities. When you constantly focus on something, it becomes easier to blow that thing way out of proportion.
Just remember this, who you are is not what you look like. If you have a beautiful soul, than that is beauty in its purest form.