One of the things that I have always appreciated about myself is that I have always been self aware. I have, for the most part, always been in tune with the person that I am, and knowing who I am as a person has always been really helpful. I love reflecting back on my life, looking to see how I have evolved as a person, and revisiting all of the life lessons that I have had to learn. Being aware of who you are, the good traits and flaws included, can only be beneficial to you, and it can help mold you into the person that you want to be.
One of my flaws that I absolutely loath is my tendency to compare myself to others. For example, when I see people with their new houses I think about how I am less of a person because I am renting an apartment. Or I hear news that someone is pregnant, and I wonder if I am less of an adult because my husband and I are not there yet. I see other people and how they are living their lives and I wonder if I am living my life incorrectly. Stephen hates that I do this, especially because it almost always kills my mood, but on some sick level I feel like I can’t control it. Listen, I am highly aware that everyone has their own path and journey in life, and I know that the universe has something incredible in store for me, but I still can’t help but sometimes wish that I was in a different position in my life right now.
The fact of the matter is, there is no such thing as “normal” for me. I feel like society puts pressure on all of us to reach certain milestones by certain ages, and if we haven’t accomplished those milestones then we have failed as humans. People my age have already graduated from college, but I am still in school. People my age are already homeowners, but I am renting. People my age are starting a family, but Stephen and I aren’t there yet because we are waiting for me to graduate. I am comparing what my life journey has been through the eyes of a society that tells us what our lives should look like, and it is such a shame because I sometimes forget to appreciate my life and what I have done. Comparing myself to others is one of my worst flaws, and it is something I am constantly having to work on.
Something that I love about myself is my heart. I don’t really have a lot of people that I am close to, but the people that I am close with have a part of me. If Caille called me right now and needed me, I would find a way to get to Chicago. If one of my family members needed to stay at my place last minute, I would have blankets and pillows waiting for them before we got off of the phone. When I love, I love hard, to the point where I put myself on the back burner to ensure that my loved ones are healthy and safe. I know that can be an unhealthy mindset, but I don’t care. My loved ones are so important to me, and I would do anything in my power to help them if they ever needed me.
The thing about humanity is that we are not black or white. We all make huge mistakes and do really shitty things, but that does not make us horrible. We all do things that are beautiful gestures, but that does not mean that we are purely great. We all have good traits and bad traits and that is what makes us human. Being aware of who you are involves analyzing your traits, and if there is something that you don’t like about yourself you can always work to adjust that. That is why we are constantly evolving. We are always learning and adjusting and figuring out who we want to be and what we want our lives to look like, and that is why, in my opinion, we should throw away the term “normal.” We all have our own lessons to learn and our own lives to live, and who we are should be based on who we want to be, not who others want us to be.
I think we all know who we are, but sometimes, we just need to be reminded.